“There’s no limit to the possible.”
(Rudolf Nureyev)

I want to get back into that habit of making writing-related updates (that are longer than tweets).

So what did I do for the past two weeks? I scrapped Land of the Flesh and instead went to plot for a fresh novel that is titled Kabuki Nights. It’s about five young people forming a band to spread Japanese music in the West. They start out small, but as they get to know each other and their music grows, they face difficulties such as the founder and bassist playing games, manipulating especially the lead guitarist, my MC, and luring him into sin. The question is whether it is possible for the MC to completely change due to bad influence or not.

To make it short and sweet, I started on May 1st which means I’m participating in NaMayWriMo. My goal is 50,000 words. As of today I’ve 10,032 words – Leif, the MC, has played One Of These Days by Pink Floyd, listened to Ayumi Hamasaki and Milky Bunny and made first experiences with songwriting.

The song he wrote is crap because the real author is me. But I want to make use of that opportunity and work on my poetry and composing skills. I’m really excited for this! No promise of finishing because I failed a lot recently, but I want to enjoy it and watch the characters constructing the story.

“Life indeed must always be a compromise between common sense and the ideal, the one abating nothing of its demands, the other accommodating itself to what is practicable and real.“
(Henry Frédéric Amiel)

As of yesterday I’m finished. Done. Not with the novel. I started to get impatient and with tinaorwolf  pushing me, I was able to leave the whole idea of outlining behind. I abandoned it more easily than I thought. The outline sits at 5,151 words and I won’t add any more to it.

As of today, I’ll continue to work on the first draft of Land of the Flesh. I thought outlining would help me make the plot clearer and more exciting, but after 5k I doubt I’ll have the drive to write everything again. Therefore, I’m returning to my former routine of writing a first draft. It’s served me well with Crow City, at least!

Yesterday I wrote a further 234 words. It felt good, refreshing even, to write proper prose. I’m not a planner, at least not the type who thinks everything through before they write it down. I can create a coherent plot and quality writing at the same time! But most importantly, this way is the most fun.

Starting today, I’ll write Land of the Flesh the way it’s supposed to be. I wonder what the characters have in store.

“A man esteems most highly what he himself lacks, and exaggerates what he longs to possess.”
(Henry Frédéric Amiel)

During the past few days I’ve been working on the outline of Land of the Flesh. As a result actual writing has suffered, but I feel like it’s worth it since I’ll be so much faster when the outline is finished and I can write without thinking about what happens next!

4,306 words into the outline the characters start acting on their own, especially Florence, my main. It’s little things like eating all the food when she was meant to throw part of it away or freaking out at her mother when I just wanted her to be mildly annoyed. You know, things you can overlook. But once those things start happening, you can be sure there will be more. And I’m looking forward to it!

On another note, I’m determined not to drop this project like I did the last ones – can’t even remember how many! I will stick to this until it’s finished because right now a finished novel is necessary for me to preserve my sanity.

Don’t believe me? Why, you ain’t seen nothing yet! If you’re a writer, you should understand.

“So hold on, the weight of the world will give you the strength to go.”
(Linkin Park, Robot Boy)

Yesterday I decided that writing without a plan makes me uneasy and set to outlining the next scenes in Land of the Flesh in more detail. I managed to outline four and a half scenes before I gave in to a stomachache and went back to bed.

This provided me with enough plot to write 2,067 words today, bringing the story up to just over 5k. I’m truly happy with the progress made today. Considering my modest goal of 20k, I’m doing great this month! I secretly hope to write more this month, but I don’t know what will happen when uni starts again. Bah, I don’t even want to think about it now!

Today I also experimented with Write or Die and word wars against the clock. After doing two 10 minute and two 20 minute wars I came to the conclusion that I really like timed writing. It makes me dive straight into the story while also giving me breaks to catch my breath and relax a bit before continuing. I think tomorrow will be dedicated to further experimenting with the 20 minute bursts.

“The lighter I grew, the happier I felt. At this rate I was just going to melt away into thin air.”
(Natsuo Kirino, Grotesque)

The last few days have been productive. Again writing and stories are on my mind almost all time and I scribble at least a few words across one or two stories daily.

I’m writing here to say that Moga, a short story I started on the 5th, is finished at 921 words. It’s turned out another flash fiction, but length is insignificant. This has been different: told from second person perspective which I never tried before as well as including lyrics by Florence + the Machine which I haven’t done for a long time. I wrote it for my personal entertainment, exploring a stereotype I discovered while reading chapters for a uni assignment. Even though the process was exhausting and a little tedious, I can say the result is something that deviates from my usual style in a good way. It’s almost poetry.

Perhaps you wonder what happened to Land of the Flesh? Nothing. It sits at 3,115 words and I’m still writing, albeit slowly. It must have something to do with the lack of plotting I’ve done past the first three scenes, but I know that I can overcome this uneasiness if I just write on.

And that I definitely want to – no other way to find out how the story ends.

Polaris has been put on the back burner for now, but I want to continue working on it and will at least record ideas while I write the other novel.

“We are all visionaries, and what we see is our soul in things. We reward ourselves and punish ourselves without knowing it, so that all appears to change when we change.”
(Henri-Frédéric Amiel)

Lately I haven’t been able to focus on Land of the Flesh. The story didn’t touch me anymore. Today, however, I’m considering taking it up again, maybe in a different form than I originally intended to use.

Two nights ago lying in the dark has also conceived a fresh idea coming down to me in full-fledged scenes and glimpses of characters. My mind is tightly wrapped around it. I think the title will be Polaris. The setting is different than what I usually do, it’s postwar following a mess that might’ve been World War III. The details are still in the dark, but I’m figuring it out piece by piece. To be honest, I could even start writing right now because all I’m waiting for is background information. And that is something that develops with the writing process, no?

I’ve taken on a challenge and stated a monthly word count goal on WriYe, so I hope that keeps me focused throughout the month. Whether it’s Land of the Flesh or Polaris, I want to write.

And lastly, I want to give poetry another try.

“It's a fine romance but it's left me so undone
It's always darkest before the dawn.”
(Florence + the Machine, Shake It Out)

Due to the time change, I woke up an hour early today. I got up, did my morning chores (aka ate breakfast) and sat in front of the laptop with a question mark above my head. Then I opened the folder and file and wrote a sentence. That expanded into a paragraph and more.

Yesterday I was complaining to myself that I couldn’t focus on Land of the Flesh with that other project haunting my thoughts all day long. However, I didn’t write for the other project – it was Land of the Flesh I felt drawn to. That tells me that I’m still capable of writing stories on my own. Lately a couple of things happened around the same time, resulting in confusion and uncertainty. But now that I’m back in the flow, all doubts are wiped out. Doing without thinking is the key.

Writing in the morning is brilliant. It’s refreshing and makes you look forward to the beginning day – you’ll find time to write more during its course. Getting up earlier now and then is a sacrifice I’m willing to make in order to experience that incredible eternity in my hands.

Land of the Flesh sits at 2,313 words and a few handwritten ones scribbled into the back of my uni notebook during today’s lecture.

“I never paint dreams or nightmares. I paint my own reality.”
(Frida Kahlo)

I’m nervous. On the threshold of returning to an old pastime, you could also say guilty pleasure, I’m not sure if it’s the right decision. Even though I’ve been thinking about this for weeks, I still don’t know if what I’m doing will benefit or hinder me in the long run. But who knows, the waters might be warmer than I thought – the first impression hit me hard, but that’s not all of it.

I’ll wait and see. In the meantime I want to keep working on the new project while also keeping the rules in mind I set up for myself.

If you have no idea what I’m talking about, that’s fine. I just needed a place to talk about it.

As for Land of the Flesh! I want to write a first scene today, get a glimpse of the inside of my MC’s mind. Some time ago I decided to write in first person. The thought crossed my mind at the most random time – while walking to the bus station. But it made perfect sense from the beginning. It’ll be a highly psychological story and even though it’s probably what one would expect, it’s the best thing I can do to make my point clear. It doesn’t matter that I’ve never tried it before, although I’ll watch out for unnecessary streams of consciousness.

On another note, I’m excited. Writing about it makes me even more excited. I need the process of creating something with words; I don’t feel whole unless I’m writing a novel.

“Lord, lend thy strength to those who are weak in the flesh, but willing in the spirit!”
(Henri-Frédéric Amiel)

Old ideas and concepts are passé. New realities haven’t been conceived yet. I’m stuck between enlightenment and creation. Most of the time, I don’t know what to do and numb my mind with chores and uni.

My writing is a mirror of my indecisiveness: I’m working on two concepts at the same time. One of them is a novel titled Land of the Flesh. I won’t say anything else because it might be abandoned like the previous two and like all ideas until something truly sets me on fire again.

The other one is for my own amusement. I feel that as long as I don’t have any inspiration for other things, it’s okay to write something that won’t ever be published. In fact, I’m starting to think that writing for myself every now and then is the only way to do it right. This way I’ll be more continuous as well as jog my creative writing muscle.

I also want to train other muscles. I really want to. With the recent high in temperatures, it’s hard to be active and productive, but I won’t lose to the weather. Nope. I’m not made for summer, but I don’t want to give in, not yet.